Ohio Overnight

I feel delivered by God because the colors of the sunset always remind me that I am never alone.

When I grab my phone, I call the people that need to be told that I love them.

By the river bank, I have God to thank for all my problems… both when he lets me work through them and when he steps in to solve them. Through trial and error is that we keep evolving… Part of the plan is unfolding.

Dear Lord, this is everything I wanted and more. Dear Lord, it’s through you that these luxuries I can afford. I say I want more, and you give it… your love is my ticket, and I am always welcome aboard. Dear Lord, I don’t get time to get bored or dabble in things I abhor. Dear God, I pray I don’t harbor ugly feelings for long. God, your love is like a song, and I’m a lamb that you guide to the slaughter. Even then, I’ll still stretch out my hands. I trust divinely in your plan.

I’m at the bar looking out through big glass windows, I understand the exhibition is me. Lord, even if I’m on display, I feel very free.

———

The morning came, and leaving the dream realm was my greatest struggle. I ignore and ignore alarms and still go through the trouble of setting them back or ultimately snoozing… sometimes I indeed feel like I’m losing, but still, I get calls to get on the next plane, so I’m ultimately cruising. I just got a call.

The next stop is Los Angeles, California… It’s a losing game if you think a person or place can do something for you.

I trust in hard work… my avoidance is beyond me, I want to be in turbo speed, but my fears leave me parallel parked. Emotions come, emotions go, but lately, I’m drawing a blank.

I sit and remember that I have only God to thank.

I’m soaring above the city of Columbus… it feels the same to me… a circle, square, or a rhombus… all the geometric patterns that I see the streets split into remind me of how many other factors are among us. Right now, the weather is cold, and my heart is bold because I feel seen and approached. When deadlines close in, I refuse to let fear encroach… it lingers in the air, the heaviness of a pending reproach. I got to stay focused… stay focused… I’m doing the most. It’s not a boast, just a reflection. What’s the point of not being honest, what’s the use of feigning a connection?

I'm quick to converse, even if feelings aren't mutual. At the bar, I was told my eyes speak, so now, through God, I seek to balance my stares so that my eyes don’t spill over with lies. Whenever I feel destined to complete my mission, my brain, and body don’t even try. God, I wonder why. Why is it that the flesh never wants the best? Why do my neurons and brain cells get stuck on things I regret?

————

I am leaving my connection in North Carolina, and the weather is very "sorta/kinda". As our plane pushed back, so did another. The pilot of the other plane waved, and I waved back… It’s hard to feel attacked when I’m constantly in a state of thanksgiving. Dear God, thank you for the pretty things I’m living.

El atmósfera está gruesa… volamos a radar pero volamos con certeza. No me pesa el miedo… puede que cuando el avión comience con su turbulencia se ajuste la frequencia… pero por ahora sigo con mi diligencia. No me siento un rehen… voy volando desde ayer y el domingo lo pienso volver hacer— Dios mediante. Dios va a el volante. Dios, volar por tus cielos es un placer y un privilegio… siento que nada o nadie me podrá detener. Tengo abrigo y agua para beber, si tuviese miedo, nadie ha de saber. Ahora ando de volada, con este gran sol y blancas nubes no distingo nada. Abajo de mi las nubes se combinan y se miran como una almohada.

Me gusta cuando lloro y mi cara queda mojada… si mis ojos no se ven rojos entonces pues no he hecho suficiente. Gracias Dios por el poder de mi mente y el poder acostumbrarme a los nuevos planes de repente. Yo guardo mi miedo y rincór y te pido que lo quites cuando rezo Dios, y tú lo desapareces.

Yo pienso silenciosamente, Marvelys, crees que te lo mereces?

Pues si Dios me lo dio, nadie me lo quita. Aunque sea chaparrita soy igual de fiera… miedo solo le tengo a la ira de el Señor. No le tengo miedo a cualquiera. Es verdad que me entretengo pero igual no me detengo en mi misión.

-----

I learned that Ohio has the biggest Gavel… it’s easy to trust God as his plans unravel. I learn a lot when I travel, and I learn a lot when I am unmoved.

I learn a lot because I constantly seek the truth. I thank God for giving me the ability to self-soothe. I can rewire my brain and think myself up into a better mood… my attitude is never brewed. I can do it if I believe I can.

Last night in Ohio, a man from Boston bought me a drink. He said I spoke to him with my eyes, so this makes me think…. Am I sending out messages each time that I blink? Am I always this inviting? That’s what he asked me… he said he felt bold and brave enough to ask me. Even though it’s silly, I had asked God to reveal a sign that this man had seen me… and God sent him to my table. Now tell me He isn’t able?

In Ohio, the river water was murky… right now, I feel like nothing can hurt me. A lot of things aren’t, but one thing is for certain: I have to give it up if it’s not working.

Dear Lord, I tried to live out not your will but mine … and thought I’d be fine. My heavenly Father is so merciful and divine that he revealed that I'll still be fine even if my plan doesn’t work out.

In my view, I don't see a single reason to pout.

♡