LAX - late news, old regrets

I'm on the plane to Los Angeles, and Dallas Fort Worth was my connection. It was 6 am EST when I arrived at my workstation.

I don’t feel melancholy, just an unnerving eerie melody that replays in my head… maybe because out here is where they killed Kennedy. Not everything had a remedy— be it bullet wounds or memories.

Here in Dallas, history is historically wrong… here in Dallas, people are historically armed… I don’t feel alarmed. Nothing will happen that wasn’t already part of my plan. Nothing feels quite wrong or quite right.. we had full clouds and blue skies on this flight.

Fast forward six hours to the Pacific time zone. I'm lost in Los Angeles, roaming… it’s 5 am in Florida but only 2 am in California… maybe the unnerving feeling was the bad news waiting for me. My heart is broken by what my friend told me, but at least I know the truth… living a lie in blissful ignorance is no use.

What's the good in being prophetic… or bringing up a hypothetical nothing that feels authentic… is it me? Am I pathetic?

It’s 5:49 am in Florida, but I feel like I have already bypassed the need for sleep. I guess this way feels steady… or sturdier… Just because I didn’t flinch doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, either. I mean, another of my best friends lost a brother… of course, that sort of thing surely set to bother me out of my appetite and sleep… Lord, I pray for you his soul to keep.

What's the problem if I weep? I don’t feel weak; my tears fall down my face, leaving a streak… or a stream. I can’t speak but want to scream….I am tossed and turned by my dreams.

Those are all my thoughts in this Los Angeles fog…. Sure, the feelings can be a lot to stand through, maybe I could turn them off.

The signs are posted at the airport, and though I’ve only got one edible… the charges are federal. So what if I lose it all? At least I felt incredible… or not. For the most part, the paranoia takes charge of my thoughts.

I'm leaving LAX, and the fog engulfs the tower… I’m set to be in Vegas in an hour. Right now, Miami is riddled with light showers, and many things are on my mind. I guess it’s almost time to leave LA… I can’t deal with all this pain.

I'm running to LAX at 2 to catch a plane again… if I sit here motionless, what do I gain?

April 2023