A Toast to San Antonio Texas

I'm enjoying a Tequila Sunrise as the sun sets over the rooftop in S.A. Texas.

No need to be upset or hold on to thoughts, ideas, or concepts of what could’ve been.

When the sun sets, the day is over;

I’m lucky, like a four-leaf clover, even with my lack of a lover because everything around me is lovely. I didn’t make it here alone it’s Jesus that drove me to greatness. It’s never my credit, so I never take it. I feel like I fake it, that’s why I take hits of substances that are illicit. When bad things take place, I feel so complicit but even in the good times, I am never complacent. With each test God brings forth, I feel like I both failed and aced it.

If I threw myself over the edge of the building, I’m sure my family would miss me, and so would Lizzy, since she’s the only one that listens when I speak. When I get high, it’s a fine line between hitting my peak and tweaking…. Sometimes it’s not me who is speaking, sometimes it’s me that speaks too much. All the time, I feel out of touch. The pain is not a canvas that you can touch up with a brush… It’s more like a misprint. Every time the scenarios come back around, I cry until I’m empty, even then, I thank God. Thank you, God, for allowing me to feel… like a thief in the night that only comes to steal, my repression of emotions only comes to conceal who I am and rob me of my identity. When I break down in tears, I thank God for letting me because I know it will be He who will put me back together in smiles, even if it takes a while.

Time heals all wounds, not all sweet things make me swoon. Some good things end too soon and some bad things go on for too long. You can’t dance along to the rhythm of every song. My heartstrings are strung, which only makes me stronger.

Thank you, God— thank you to the most high for this sunset in San Antonio… right now, the sun kissing my skin feels matrimonial. To the rays of sunshine, I’m married, nothing feels scary and I am not afraid to fly. Even if just for tonight, God, I won’t ask “why”. 🤍